~ Loss / Break ups ~

Breaking up during the Holiday season I have found can be the most depressing time of the year. I used to work for a Suicide Prevention Hotline and I can't even begin to tell you the wide range of calls that used to flow in from October ~ January . It seems people are most effected by the winter blues or reflect on lost loved ones this time of year. Loss is all around us everyday and we strive forward in hopes that each day can bring a new begining towards happiness in life for all us.

A friend of mine has recently broken up with his girlfriend and is going through a very tough time about it right now. And have other friends who have lost loved ones this year as well. I felt recently the fear of losing a friend ( Isshin ) and it shuck me. My family tells me everyday, Nessa be thankful for every second you have with everyone your lucky enough to share you life with, blah blah blah and still ,I find I may not appreciate, overlook and take for granted alot of things in life. As I'm sure most of us do at times. I guess what I'm tring to say is, everybody needs a hug sometimes, Or just a place to vent thier frustrations and get things off thier chest, clear there minds. Keeping such emotions locked inside can be so painfully heartwrenching in the end.

So if at anytime, any of you ever need to unravel, vent, scream, cry. I am here for you all. Because there is nothing worse for me then remembering those phone calls at the Hotine thinking ~ Was it to little to late?

its a bit hard to be open for every one... It takes a huge amount of effort to be open with everyone and it eats up your ego if you get affected too much with your friends...

don't get me wrong, i'm not against your ideology when it comes to friends because like you, I'm also too affected when my friends are in a hitch (as you can see on my entry "Beers, Kids, and an 800 watt woofer...)

what i can say is to reserve some for yourself. i also have a girlfriend and she means everything to me right now. I'm also aware that such fantasies that we live through in our everyday lives will not be forever. I might get so fuked up when that happens but i will always have the memories with me...

breaking up is hard. That's a fact. But it also lets you move on to another chapter of your story. It let's you relive first sight jitters and the excitement of seeing someone new. we might be so rotten if we indeed end up having separate ways with our loved ones but that's life... you just hafta move on...

Christmas seems to be a particularly bad time, we have several friends who have broken up around the (supposedly) festive period.

My boyfriend cheated on me at christmas!!!.... but the presents cheered me up! LOL.. still miss him....

well .. with the new year, starts a new life.
i told gwendolyn to get out,
since she no longer supports or love me or supports our children ...

wish me luck, i'm gonna need it
.. because i take a HUGE risk of loosing my daughter
i am hoping to work things out with her dad .. but i dunno

he told me he was going to sue gwendolyn for full custody
and reminded me as a step parent i had no legal right

i also reminded him that i have been raising her as my own
over the last 8years and that her character, grades and over all
should be seen rather than my appearance (gender)

he did promise me though that he would not keep her from her
brothers, but we still need to sit and talk and work out a plan....

again .. just more crap to add to my life but at least its kinda moving
in the right direction and she'll be 12 in a few months and
if worse comes to worse i'll have to wait a few more years (at 15 she can appeal to be emancipated and come live with me and her brothers if need be)

again .. thanks for all the support

Well Jaq, I know this may be a long road ahead for you hun, but as hard as this may be ,I think it is best for you to more forward in this new year as well love.
It's time to let the cards fall where they may and look forward to happier times for you and your family sweety. Stay focused on making positive changes and have faith all will work out as it should in the end. Have faith hunny.

" Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. "
~ Semisonic

told her this morning ...
since she doesn't love me
(i said if i dropped dead today she could care less)
she said yes i do ... i said "yeah, cuz i'm the paycheck that pays for the house"
do not speak to me any longer
unless it's in regards to the children

well aprraently she's already found my "replacement"
should have know from the opened statement she gave over the
weekend - "you won't be mad if i hook up w/some one else" - in regards to the children
/
so i sent her a text last night saying "have fun w/your new fling Arron"
her reply was - 'your sarcasm is not appreciated' - i replied - "it wasn't .. it was the truth"
/
no messages to follow

so if she wants to throw away our family and go play skank whore, then fine
we (me and the children) do not need that in our home anyways No!